During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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