I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Boobs speak an international language.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
