at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Semen is not good for contacts.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
