This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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