the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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