You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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