Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
