if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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