You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
