are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
