there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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