Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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