yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
