I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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