There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
