I will die if light touches me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
