I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
