I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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