if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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