Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
