Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
