??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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