Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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