i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
