Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
