just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
