Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
