the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
