she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
operation harelip BJ is a go
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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