tell your sister to shave her snatch
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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