Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
