can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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