Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
