My Higher Power is John Stamos
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
