Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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