I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
