I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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