When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
