smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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