Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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