one might say we're banned from that church
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
