we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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