We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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