im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
