Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
