i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
