I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
