So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
