haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
