Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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