I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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