Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize