You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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