I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
