dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
