I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
