i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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