Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
