if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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