I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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