cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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