There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
