I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
