im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
