You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
