We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
