im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
