i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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