The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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