She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
