If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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