I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
